We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
