My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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