I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
