I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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