I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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