He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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