im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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