Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
