I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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