I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So apparently I’m into choking now
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
