And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
did i just pee glitter
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
