I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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