i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
