matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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