just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
