Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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