i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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