nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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