Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
