i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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