i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
