There was a lot of him and a little penis
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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