and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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