i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
