saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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