I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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