Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
