All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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