I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
