We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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