For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
