i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
