was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
