Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
