ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
