so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
