It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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