i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
