I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
