She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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