This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
