Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
