tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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