so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
