Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wear drunk well.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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