It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
