Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
