Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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