i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
