its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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