Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
