I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
