Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
