Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
