Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
