a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
