Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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