And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
