i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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