I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
